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Shock, Fear, & Hope

by the Hott Family

Date: Mon, 10 Jul 2000

I too have been through the awful ordeal of a miscarriage. It was during the school year of 1998. I was teaching at my children's school a third grade class. We were all excited when I announced that their teacher was pregnant and that they would be a part of a wonderful blessing that God had given. I had been married for 9 years and had a daughter that was 6 and 3/4 and a son that was 4 1/2. We planned to have a third child from the beginning; however, time past fast before we realize that we were making the ages so far apart. Every time we wanted to conceive, we did in the month that we chose. Once again that was easy. We began to make plans, announced to our families, and began a journal to pass on to the baby growing inside. One day, during Christmas break, I noticed blood as I was cleaning up from going to the bathroom. I was 12 weeks along. I had never done that before. Questions began to race through my mined. I called a few friends that had spotted during their successful pregnancies. They encouraged me that it was nothing. One friend, however, who shared the same doctor, encouraged me to call him. He said the same as my friends but said to come in the next day. He did not want me to be troubled over Christmas. I woke up that night screaming to my husband that the baby was gone. I was cramping strongly. Our plans were to go in together in the morning, once we had someone to watch the children. Five minutes before we left I felt a gush. I ran to the bathroom and found that I was bleeding like a river flowing. It was not long after that, that my husband called the doctor with the emergency. When he came to check on me I passed out in his arms and only remember periods from that time out. They had to do an emergency DNC. You can imagine the shock. My husband too was at a loss for direction. At this point all we could do was grieve and reach out to the Lord for answers. I know he does not take life but is a giver of life. I believe that what ever caused this was not of his will or of my doing; however, the pain and questions are still the same. I know that my child is with the Lord and will be their when I arrive.

I have since had another miscarriage. It happened on the day of our wedding Anniversary, September 9, 1999. Once again, we were able to conceive as planned with a wonderful April due date. We were thrilled, yet fear gripped our minds. My husband was more confident and his strength encouraged me. Once again, a class room of children knew of my condition. I never thought it possible once and was not going to allow the fear to steal the joy of this new baby. Unfortunately, at 7 weeks, it happened again. Not as bloody, but yet an emergency DNC was performed for my health. This time I was devastated and thought it was over. Through time, prayer, friends and family, I began to desire to try again.

Being over 35 has added additional fears. I am praying that they too will go away. "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind." 1Tim

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