Frequently Asked Questions - Parent to Parent

Parents share information and answer frequently asked questions about SIDS:

Should I move to another apartment or house?

We post a Question of the Week to the SIDS List Server Discussion Area and on the SIDS Information Web Site. Responses can be emailed to us at sidsnet1-at-sids-network-dot-org or posted to the SIDS List Server Discussion Area. We will then post the responses to this page of the web site. The responses are opinions and no one person is right or wrong. We do not need to include an individual's name or any other identifying factors unless the author requests to be identified in some way or they want their email address attached.

The question for the week of April 5 - April 12, 1997 was:

Should I move to another apartment or house?

Responses are listed below. Please feel free to add a response by e-mailing sidsnet1-at-sids-network-dot-org. Please include the question, your response, and include in the subject line "FAQ - Parent to Parent."

As with most questions of this genre, it is a matter of what is right for you. However, it is usually recommended not to make any big decisions for one year after the death of your baby. Leaving the house at the time of the death and then not returning makes it hard to reach closure on many issues. Try living in your home for at least six months. If you find you just can't bear it at that time, then consider moving. Most parents find that their home, while a reminder of the terrible thing that has happened to them, is also filled with the beautiful memories of their baby's life - and it is usually the only home the baby ever knew. (Sat, 5 Apr 1997)

My husband and I lost our baby girl on March 1, 1997. Since then we have been staying with my parents and I'm not sure if we should move to a different apt. or house or how long we should stay with my parents. We had to move out of that apt. we had only lived there eight days when our baby died and I just couldn't bear to be there by myself. I guess it is up to each individual and what they're most comfortable with. (Sun, 6 Apr 1997)

My opinion is to wait before making any major decisions that may be regretted later. Personally, I have tried several times to go back to my home (our daughter died in her crib there) and when I do, the silence is too deafening. I spend most of my time alone (my husband works exclusively out of town) and even though all of my joyful memories are there in that house, I cannot bear the silence. We have the house listed for sale and are seriously considering relocating to a different city. (Wed, 9 Apr 1997)

I definitely wouldn't make any quick decisions concerning a move. You may feel strongly about moving at first, but later realize that it brings you much comfort being in the same place that you shared with your baby. If you move too soon, you may regret it later, and feel like you gave up some place special that you and your child shared.

In my case, I get comfort being in the same house. I look around each room and have special memories of my son being there. My son died at the baby-sitters. If he would have died at home, I may have a different opinion about being in that house. I guess it all depends on the circumstances. (Wed, 9 Apr 97)

I had to move after my son died. The apartment smelled like him so bad. My mother-in-law moved in after us, even though we didn't want her to. The apartment still smells like him, and I get very upset when I visit, and I cannot go into his old room. (Thu, 10 Apr 1997)

We closed on our house 4 days before our baby's sudden death. It was nice to start over without many reminders. I'm a teacher and the faculty at my school got together and moved us so we didn't have to do the sorting and packing. They tucked her things in a safe place and I go through it when I'm up to it, but it isn't in clear view as a constant reminder of what I should do (sort through things) or something I miss. (Fri, 11 Apr 1997)

My baby was born Jan 21 97- March 27 97. May 1 I moved in to a new home. I have no regrets of moving. I feel better staying here then at the apt where our baby passed. I still have all of my babies stuff though and the bed we found him in. (Mon, 5 May 1997)

That's is entirely need to be made to each individual. For me, my son passed away in my house of SIDS in 1995, it is sentimental. Just like I would have an extremely hard time if my Mother sold the house where my Father has passed away. I love them both dearly. But as long as you always keep your loved ones in your heart that is all that really matters. (7/31/97)

I would not recommend immediately moving away from the only place that you have shared memories with your child. Although you will be regularly confronted with reminders of your son or daughter, running away from these reminders will not eliminate your grief. The pain, the loss, the memories... these all have to be dealt with eventually. (My daughter died in my home two years ago.) (8/2/97)

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