My story, my baby boy

by Carly  Adams

Date: Wed, 07 Oct 1998

My husband was in the military when we found out that I was pregnant with our third child. We lived on Ft Lewis, (an army base) and I went to Madigan Army Medical Center for my pre natal care.

All appeared normal with my pregnancy until the12th week, when I experienced a gush of blood from my vaginal area. I went to the Dr. (the 4th different one I'd seen so far) and was told not to worry every thing was fine.....but I knew in my heart something was wrong....This pregnancy, it just felt different than my other 2, ......

On Oct 12th, when I was approx. 16 weeks along, our house was broken into and the military police called. When they got there, they began their investigation, a few minutes later I felt a gush. I went into the bathroom to once again find that I was bleeding.. A few minutes later I began to have a few mild cramps. The military police did not want to let me go to the hospital until they were done taking our statements!!

Finally an MP who had children came up to us and told us to just go.....now!!!(the ironic thing is my husband is also an MP, you would think they would have been more sympathetic)

WE got to the hospital, (followed by MP's) at around 10:00pm and were taken right to the OB floor. There they attempted to check my cervix and found it open a "fingertip". They then tried to find

the babies heartbeat, and failed......Then they did an ultrasound, saying that I shouldn't worry too much they were sure that everything was still fine!!.......The ultrasound showed no fetal movement and no visible heartbeat, I became hysterical..... I knew then that my baby was dead... and still the Dr didn't tell me out right, he told me not to get my hopes up but that it could just be the sono- machine and that there was another down in the OB clinic, he wanted me to come back in the next morning for an appt. there......I was so confused, I knew my baby was not alive,,, and I'm sorry if this is graphic, but all I could think was that I had something dead inside of me.....

I left the hospital at 1:00am and was met at the door by MP's. Who insisted that I go with them to the MP station to give them my statement!! MY husband tried to explain to them the situation, and that I was in no state of mind to do anything but they didn't care! I was at the MP station till 4:00am......

At 8:00am I began to have contractions, we went to the hospital where I had to wait in pain for 2 hrs...... Again I am sorry for being graphic, but this is how it happened and these are my thoughts at that time, I was hysterical.

I began to scream for them just yelling "get it out of me", I just kept thinking over and over that my baby was dead, and that it was inside of me dead.....No one would tell me anything , they left my husband and I in a room by our selves, and I just kept telling him "it hurts, honey it hurts" Finally at 10 or 10:30 the Dr from the night before came in and told me he was giving me a shot of Demerol for the pain, then he left never telling me what was going to happen or what they planned on doing, they never told me anything.........

The shot put me to sleep .....I do not remember anything,, my husband says that while I was unconscious, I delivered the baby, but I don't remember.... it is an awful feeling to wake up two hours later and not know what had happened. I woke up in a room with my husband, and a nurse... The nurse left the room after she told me I could get dressed, I was so groggy I didn't know what was happening. When she left, my husband told me they had taken me into another room after I went to sleep where I had delivered, what they told him would have been a little boy...They took Polaroid's, one of which they gave my husband, I feel that this was wrong , the picture was awful.................I never got to talk to the Dr after it was over, I was never told what if anything, they think had went wrong.....The hospital just sent me home.........I was so confused and I felt so empty....

I was still in pain both physical and emotional, and was on tylox for the pain. My husband's unit made him leave to go to the field two days later, leaving me alone to take care of our two children.....My husband is out of the Army now and I am once again pregnant, I am so grateful to be able to go to a civilian DR this time, and so far they have been great. I can't help but wonder though if I will ever get over the pain , sense of loss, anger and confusion that my experience at that military hospital has caused me......and I will never stop loving or missing my little baby boy.....

Carly
Carlymomma@ivillage.com