Baby Zane and "alive magics"
by Christine Allen-Riley
My beautiful nephew, Zane Garret Allen, was born 30 June 1997 and died 4 March 1998. We were blessed to have him with us, but his death has devastated our entire family. I want to extend my deepest, most heartfelt sympathies to all who are touched by the cruelty of SIDS. The hole that Zane's loss has left in my heart will never be filled, and I know that it is likely that we will never know the answers to all of the "whys." My three year old son summed it up best on the way home from Zane's funeral, he said "I'm sad 'bout Baby Zane. I wan help him feel bettoalive, but I don't has no reasons, and I don't has no magics...I don't has no alive magics." I wish for the impossible...I wish for enough reasons and magics for all of us.
I'd like to share the poem that I wrote for Zane. I guess it helps me to feel like I'm sharing him a little...
There are no words
You came to us
Your sweet, sleepy smiles
We carry our memories
Listening to the trees
Christine Allen-Riley copyright 6 March 1998
This is the poem I wrote in hours after learning of Zane's death.
He never sleeps
I watch him
And all I can think to do
Christine Allen-Riley copyright 4 March 1998
Thank you for having this space. In some way it helps. Not to know that others are suffering too, but that there is a place of understanding. I understand the meaning of the word heartsick now. I grieve for Zane and my brother and sister-in-law, and also for you and your babies. I hope that somehow, someday we all might find a measure of peace.
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