Each night before you sleep

by Tiffany Armstrong

In Memory of my Victoria McKenzie Armstrong
May 26,1999- Aug 20, 1999

Date: Mon, 21 Aug 2000

Each night before you go to sleep, what do you think about? Most people go over the next day's events or re live pleasant events of today. Not me, each night the last thoughts in my head are what to do if the apnea monitor alarms. Shake Mason, dial 911, call my husband at the fire station? If the monitor does alarm, and it's a false one, do I call 911, do I try to take him to the hospital since the local 911 service is slow, do I wait and call call my husband who is also a paramedic for advice? Do I run with my gut instincts? Will those be enough to protect our baby boy from SIDS?
Each nights last thoughts are not easy, but they prepare me for that unexpected event. I don't want to be like many medics out there who freeze when it comes to caring for a child. I don't want to be like the medics who froze when they arrived on scene at the baby-sitters and saw her doing CPR on our 3 month old baby girl.
I knew it would be hard having a second child after losing Victoria to SIDS, but at the same time each night when I wake up from a deep sleep to check the monitor to make sure it is still blinking respirations and heartbeat, I know in my gut having Mason was the right thing to do for us.