by Janelle Barta
Date: Mon, 03 Dec 2001
Hello my name is Janelle. Eight years ago I lost a son to S.I.D.S. It was the hardest thing I think I will ever go through. My kids are to bury me not me bury them. I get real tired of reading the same thing over and over again. Does anyone really know what it is or how to prevent from it? Please allow me to tell my story. I promise I will make it as brief as possible.
On October 10th 1993 Trey came down with a sudden common cold. He seemed fine. I was 20 years old at the time and my 21st birthday was just days away. I have never, at this point, heard of S.I.D.S.
Something like a strong force took over my body. It wouldn't let me put him to bed, it wouldn't even let me go to sleep. I rocked him for what seemed like forever. I held him for what seemed like forever. When I finally couldn't keep eyes open anymore I took him to bed with me. I laid him right beside me, he was on his side.
The alarm went off at 6:30 a.m. but I couldn't move. I checked his little chest to see if he was o.k. It seemed he was. So I fell back asleep and awoke at 8:00 a.m. I was in a panic because I was late for work. So I rolled him over, he should of already been crying for a feeding. When I did he was blue and cold to the touch. I held him up, shook him gently, and screamed, "baby Trey, Trey, please God no"! I ran down my hallway and god what a long hallway it seemed. I ran outside because I had no phone. I screamed "help me my baby is dead, someone please help me!" A lady from next door came running over to help me. She took Trey in her arms and ran to her house. I called 911 and couldn't say anything I could only scream. She took the phone from me and preformed CPR on my lifeless child until the ambulance got there. I don't remember how I got to the hospital or who took me. I do remember the doctor coming in and looking so sad and removing his mask. He said, "I am sorry, we did all we could." I ran to the room he was in and took his lifeless body in my arms and held him until my mom came and pried me loose.
The next day I was planning a funeral. I held him through the services and laid him to rest on October 13th 1993. He was only 6 weeks old. Still to this day I celebrate his Birthday, I buy him Christmas gifts, and I set him a place at our table.
It took me 5 years to try to have another child. Trey was 4 weeks early, born with no complications and no health concerns. I lay him on his side the night before he passed.
I want answers. I want someone to tell me why. I gave up on God because I feel like God would never take something so precious from a mother. Maybe someday I will restore my faith but until I know why I can't.
Thank-you for letting me share my story.
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