Our Precious Baby Boy....

by Terri Bergamini

Date: Thu, 17 Sep 1998

My husband, Bob and I, have been married for 4 1/2 years. We wanted to start a family after about 2 years. It took us another 2 years to get pregnant. (After having all different procedures done and finally a laporoscopy)

I was finally pregnant!! I had the so called 'perfect pregnancy' I had no morning sickness, every time I went to the doctor everything was perfect, the baby had a strong heartbeat, he seemed to be growing at the normal rate, the doctor never had any concern to think something could be wrong. Here is my story:

On August 18th, 1998 I went to my regular weekly appointment at the doctor ( I was 39 weeks pregnant) my due date was August 26th. This would be our first child. When the doctor was doing the routine heartbeat scan, he couldn't find the heartbeat. I didn't get nervous at first, because hey, I was due any day now, and it never crossed my mind that something could be wrong. Well, he sent me into another room to do an ultrasound, and my worse nightmare came true. There was no movement or heartbeat. I ask WHY. Needless to say, I went hysterical. I can barely remember any details about that 1/2 hour in the doctor's office that day. I remember calling my husband, (Bob) at work to tell him, to pick me up at the doctor's office and I needed to go to the hospital, something is wrong with the baby. While I was waiting for Bob to pick me up, all I kept thinking is that I would have to deliver my dead baby. This would be the most difficult thing I will ever have to go through. We will never see his eyes, nor here him cry, watch him grow. We didn't name our little boy. I guess we really weren't sure what do to at that time, but in our hearts he was Tyler Robert. That was the name we picked if it was a boy.

When I was released from the hospital, the next step to get through would, leaving the hospital empty handed. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I was supposed to be leaving with our baby in my arms. When we finally got home and we walked in the house, I got hysterical again. Just seeing the baby's room all decorated and furnished just waiting for our new baby. He was never going to see his room and never know what a great life we would have given him.

Now, it was time to tell the whole world, who by the way, was waiting for that happy phone call from us to say that we had a baby. Now we had to tell them that our baby had died. This was VERY difficult, and there is going to be a time where I am going to run into someone that doesn't know what happen and have to re-live this again.

This was a tragedy in our and our families' lives that we will never ever forget. Both my husband and I believe in God and we know that our baby boy is in Heaven, but what confuses us is that how could he do something so terrible to someone! But yet, he somehow gives you strength to get through it. It is something we will never forget, but from what I hear, in time we will heal. I know for us, it is going to take some time before we can feel happy again. I cry everyday thinking about him. I visit his grave almost everyday, just to tell him how much we wanted him and that we will always love him and he will always be our first child. So to all of you, Pray to your baby because he/she his listening to you. I hope you can find happiness again in your lives and I will try to do the same.

Thanks for listening..

Terri....
killer.bs@worldnet.att.net