Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000
First I'd like to say I'm so sorry for everyone's losses and thanks for sharing your stories, it has helped me a lot...Now my story...I found out I was pregnant in Oct. and had mixed feelings. I am already the mother of 3 boys(Josh-12, Jake-11, and Jared-3) and am caring for my 63 yr. old mentally disabled cousin plus my husband and 3 dogs...So I wasn't sure if I could handle another child, but my fear soon turned to happiness...I was going to be a mother again, and nothing is better than that!!!! At my first visit I had a u/s and got to see my baby's' heart beating, I was so happy!!
You see I lost a child at about 4wks lmp when my youngest was just a yr. old. Everything was looking great!! Then at my next visit I found out that I had an ear and sinus infection and was given meds. but I also got to hear my baby's' heart beating, so I didn't worry...A wk later and I was back at the Drs. because of a bladder infection, but I got to see my baby with a u/s and everything looked great according to the dr. I was kinda worried about all the meds. but the dr. said no biggie...On Dec. 29th (my 33rd birthday) I had my next visit. It was the worst day of my life...The dr. tried to find the heartbeat w/ the Doppler- nothing-I was told not to worry...next came an external u/s-still no heartbeat-I was told not to worry...finally the internal u/s- all hope was gone...my baby was dead......
Instead of happily waiting for my next visit (when I was supposed to have an u/s to discover the sex) I had to decide weather I would let nature take its course , be induced or have a d&c. Thankfully God took that out of my hands and I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, who fit perfectly in my hand. Unfortunately I still had to have a d&c because of bleeding...I named our son Jeremy, which means God will uplift-Angel, because that is how I see him now- as my little Angel...I feel bad complaining because I do have 3 wonderful boys already, but it does not make the pain any easier to bear...In fact all my children are miracles...Josh because I was toxemic for 5 months of my pregnancy, w/ swelling, high blood pressure and bed rest-and he was born almost 2wks late!!! Jake because when he was born his cord was over 5ft in length and the Dr said that if it had been any smaller I would have lost him- you see the cord was wrapped twice around his neck and under his left arm!!!! And finally Jared because after Jake I had a lot of problems and had been expecting to have a hysterectomy and even though I didn't was told not to expect any other children- low and behold 7 yrs. later I was pregnant and without any problems had Jared on April Fools' Day in 96.... So you see God does work in mysterious ways and has blessed me more than I deserve. But why doesn't that make things seem better. Hopefully in time I will understand His plan and I will hurt less...
Thanks for listening to me, I know this story was long but I hope it can give someone hope in spite of the sadness we all share in the loss of our children....Feel free to write me at bigdandleigh@aol My prayers are with all of you!!!
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