All she will know is happiness.......

by Brandy Blalalck

Date: Tue, 3 Aug 1999

My story started June 12, 1999. I had missed my period after sleeping with a good friend of mine. I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I, being only 18, was scared to tell my parents...but I did. I told my mother July 19, 1999. We worked the problems out, and we began planning for this new bouncing baby. I told all of my friend and family, I even quit my job as a manager at a local restaurant so that I wouldn't stress my baby's tiny body out.

July 23, 1999 I woke up around 11AM with cramps and a backache. They started as just annoying...but before long, they felt like cramps I got when I would get my period. I went to the bathroom, only to find I was beginning to bleed heavily. Immediately, I knew what was happening...my baby was being threatened. I told my mother and she called my doctor's nurse to see what to do.

Within 30 minutes I was puking, the cramps felt more like contractions and began getting closer and closer together. I was rushed to the ER. I just remember thinking "God, please let my baby live." The next thing I knew, the doctor said I had just had a miscarriage. My mother, who was with me in the ER, saw the doctor place my baby's tiny body into a specimen cup and send it away to pathology.

That is when my life ended. I realized, I would never see my baby smile, kick his or her feet in the air...I realized I would never even get to lay eyes on my first baby.

It has been a week and a half now since the incident. There hasn't been a day that gone by where I haven't cried my eyes out. I can not go out and be with friends....I am supposed to start college in 2 weeks, I don't think I can even do that. My little Angel is gone...and life for me, doesn't seem like it'll ever be the same.