by Nevada Boslet
Date: Tue, 10 Aug 1999
It has been 3 months now since I lost my little baby, but it still hurts. My husband and I have a beautiful 21 month old little boy, but we have always wanted as many children as we could. We started a little late in the baby department, him being 33 and me 26. Our second pregnancy came just before my 28th birthday in February of 1999. We all laughed at the due date of our second child because the baby was due 1 week after our first child was born, November 7 & November 14. We found out I was pregnant when I was about 5 - 6 weeks along. Unfortunately I had bad feelings about this pregnancy in the back of my mind. I kept feeling like something was going to happen. I went in for my 3-month check up and they couldn't find the heart beat. I thought nothing of it since the same thing happened with my first baby. They told me to come in the next week and they would check for the hear beat again. This was on Tuesday I had the appointment and on Friday I started to have some bleeding. I was scared and I decided to go to the hospital. My poor husband had no idea this was going on since he was working 2 hours away with no access to a phone. I got to the hospital and they couldn't find the heartbeat even during a sonogram. They finally did a vaginal probe. The doctors said they saw a sac containing maybe a 6-week-old fetus. They asked if I could be wrong on my dates instead of being 12 weeks along could I be only 6 weeks. I told them no since I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 6 weeks. So the doctor said just in case come back on Monday and we will check my HCG levels. If they go up I could still be pregnant. The next day I started to gush blood literally. I passed blood clots the size of my fist. I was so scared. I had told my husband the night before when he came home from the hospital that I had miscarried, but he also had to work that Saturday too. So, I had to be rushed to the hospital again and him not able to know. They said they needed to do an emergency D&C before I started to hemorrhage with losing all that blood. Afterwards I wasn't getting my cycles at all and the doctors said my body still had no idea I wasn't pregnant even after going through all that and the D&C.
Finally I have had 2 regular cycles and I am feeling more and more like I am back to normal. I still see my friend who are pregnant and having babies around me. IT hurts a lot. Especially since we named our little lost angel Gabriel and one of my friends just had a baby boy she named Gabriel. Even some people who hadn't seen me in a few weeks, and didn't know about the miscarriage, would stop and ask me how I was feeling or did I know the sex yet of my baby. Sometimes you think it is all behind you and someone unknowingly brings it back. Now I am more afraid then ever to try and get pregnant again. But there is so much love in mine and my husband's heart that we need to give it to another child if we can. We are trying again and trying to keep the uneasiness in the back of our minds. Thank you for letting me share this.
I just wanted to give a little update to my story from 8-99. I am now 17 weeks pregnant and I am due July 5th, 2000. I never thought I would be able to get pregnant again let alone have an uneventful pregnancy. We go in on Jan 31st to have another ultrasound done and hopefully we will see the sex of the baby. As was the case in the first two pregnancies I have had (1st produced our beautiful 2 year old boy), we didn't hear a heartbeat. So, kindly they gave me an ultrasound at 12 weeks and all was ok. I hope that others on this board will be able to have the courage to try again after a miscarriage like we did.
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