Tyler Lewis Allen

by Tara Lewis Carter
Sass0430@aol.com

Tyler Lewis Allen June 1,1994 - July 20, 1994

Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999

On July 20.1994, I awoke at 5:00 AM thinking I had gotten an early jump on the
morning, Tyler usually woke between 5:15-5:30 AM to be fed. It was dark in my
room, trying to be quite, not to wake my husband, I walked over to the
bassinet and picked him up saying, "wake up baby bear (a nick name my two and
a half year old daughter had given him) Although he was warm, he didn't move
and he made no noise. I started CPR on him and called for my husband to dial
911. After what seemed an eternity sitting in the waiting room at the
hospital, they came to tell us the bad news, I don't know what happened next,
but I heard myself say that's not true, Where is my baby? He's hungry! They
took me to him, and I picked him up waiting on a cry or a move or something,
when he didn't the world as I knew it had come to an end. The coroner came
and called the crime lab in GA all children that die regardless of the cause,
must have an autopsy. When we left the hospital, my arms and heart that had
felt so full just 1 month and 19 days earlier leaving the very same hospital
now felt so empty. I only remember bits and pieces of the days and weeks that
followed, which I believe is God's way of helping you deal with something
this terrible. I've always heard that God never puts more on you than you can
handle, I must admit I've doubted this frequently over the past five years. I
don't know which came first for me, the denial the grief or the heartbreak.
Although I have learned to accept this, I still have my days, especially
around the holidays or birth and date death. I don't believe I could have
made it through this without God's help, slowly over time he has turned my
nightmares of doing CPR into dreams of Tyler's smile. God gave us Tyler to
love on earth for 1 month and 19 days and to love in our hearts through
eternity. I live with the hope of seeing our baby bear again when God calls
me home to join them. I don't believe time heals all wounds it just makes
them a little easier to handle.

Matthew 19:14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children and forbid them not
to come unto me, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

Tyler Lewis Allen June 1,1994 - July 20, 1994