I'll always remember you 

by Sarah Chamberlain

In loving memory of Matthew Jack Chamberlain, due on 12 January 1997,  died 10 July 1996. This is my story for your web page.

When I was 17 I found out I was 7 weeks pregnant, after only being with my first boyfriend for about two months. We had been so careful. I was absolutely delighted though when I found out, but I was also extremely scared. I started to plan my life around my little angel to be, looked for flats to move into, baby clothes, furniture, the lot. We had found a flat to move into after only a week, as my boyfriend's cousin was moving out of her flat to go to a bigger place. I couldn't believe my luck. I got lots of baby books and made sure I was doing everything right so as nothing would go wrong. My friends had started to buy clothes and all the other bits like cot sheets, and we all started thinking about names. I was getting really excited. I had started to look pregnant as well and was wearing size 14 instead of my usual 10. One day I decided to take the day off work as I wasn't feeling to good, but I put it down to morning sickness.

Later on that day I started spotting, I can't put into words how I felt, but I called the doctor, who came round immediately and told me to go the hospital for a scan. By this time I was bleeding heavily. It was to late. My angel had gone, along with my life that I had been planning for the past 3 months. I couldn't stop crying for days. But nobody apart from my boyfriend cared, as I was only 17 it didn't matter. I was just another statistic. Even my family avoided the subject and never did ask me how I was feeling.

I did not speak to anyone and I still haven't. I thought the way I felt was stupid or I was silly for feeling the way I did. I was just told that it was for the best and I should forget it and move on with my life. But even after two years I still haven't forgotten and I don't think I ever will. My angel Matthew Jack Chamberlain was due on 12 January 1997 and I always light a candle in memory of him as well as on the day he died, 10 July 1996.

I am now 20 and am looking forward to having children in a few years time although I am so scared that it will happen again.

Please write to me with your views as I as yet have not spoken to anyone about my feelings, as I don't think anyone understands. <coppered@yahoo.com>