Three months and 29 days

by Debbie Sanchez

Three months and 29 days is a marker of time that I have crossed at various points in my life. Many years back there was a point when I was a big sister for that amount of time. I have reached three months and 29 days when celebrating my time in high school, my time out of high school, and my early days in college. There was a time when I was a teacher for three months and 29 days, and married for that length of time as well. My soon to be five year old was also once three months and 29 days old. In all those events, and many others as I let my mind wander back, I never consciously knew that I had passed this marker of time.

Today, May 29, 1996, I have again reached that marker of time, and today I am painfully aware of the days that have ticked by. Our sweet baby, Cole Joseph Sanchez, has been gone for exactly three months and 29 days; the significance lies in the fact that he was only with us for three months and 29 days. This is a day of sadness because each day that follows will mean he has been gone longer than I had him.

As I look back to the moments, days, and weeks following our loss, I can easily see that I am stronger now than I was then. I still hurt deeply and have a heart that will never be quite the same, but there are actually nights when I lay down to sleep and the tear that falls to the pillow is the first of the day.

Someday, he will be gone for eight months and 29 days, then two years and 29 days and even further down the road twenty years and 29 days. In all the sadness I will remember that he was like a little angel that came into our lives with all his splendor and innocence and taught us more in three months and 29 days than we could have learned in a lifetime.

I love you baby Cole!

Debbie Sanchez--mother to:
Casey 6/12/91
Cole 10/2/95-1/31/96Debbie