Connor, I Love You

from Connor's Dad

My husband wrote this letter the day after our son died from SIDS. Grant Connor Maddox was 6 months, 3 days old. Thank you for giving me a place to share this.

Connor,

I love you.

I remember the week before you came into this world. You still had 7 weeks to go until your estimated due date, but you wanted to be here. You wanted to be here NOW! Twice a day for the last week, you tried. Back and forth to the hospital. You tried during the day; you tried during breakfast, lunch, dinner; you tried in the middle of the night. Finally, you were successful. March 21, 1995.

I also remember the day you came home to live with us. The Maddox family. Marshall, Nora, Hannah and Connor. . . . . . . You were so small. . . . . . . You looked so fragile, but you were home with us and I remember that.

The things I can’t remember are probably the most disturbing to me. I can’t remember playing catch with you on those sunny spring afternoons. I can’t remember watching you play football or baseball or soccer. I can’t remember teaching you how to mow the lawn or drive a car or be a man.

Connor, I promise this………I will always remember you and your crooked little smile.

I love you.

Signed,

Dad

September 25, 1995