Kelsey Nicole Cryer

by Betti Cryer

I have been reading all the articles and crying. I felt a need to share my story.

My precious baby girl was born on August 24, 1998. She was beautiful. We lost her to SIDS on November 14, 1998. I will never forget that day; I relive it every night. My husband, our 3-year-old girl, Alicen, and I were all at home. The night before Kelsey was a little cranky. I still feel guilty because for the first time I didn't put her to sleep, my husband did. I had to get up early for work and he was off, so he sat up with her. We all shared a king size bed; both of our daughters were spoiled and slept with us. Usually Kelsey slept on one side of me and Ali on the other, but this night, Kelsey slept next to her Daddy. I always woke up when she fussed, or even moved. But, not that night, I slept so sound, I still don't understand why I didn't wake up when my baby needed me the most. I overslept, so I ran and jumped in the tub to get ready for work. After taking a bath, I went into our room to dry my hair and get dressed.

That's when I saw her. At first I thought she just had a runny nose. There was mucus coming out of her nose. I woke my husband and asked him what was wrong with her as I walked over to pick her up. As soon as I picked her up I started to scream. I knew something was wrong. We didn't have a phone, but his parents lived just down the street, so I jumped in the pickup to go to their house. Their car was gone so I drove to their place of business. I was still in my robe. Hysterically I told them something was wrong with Kelsey. They called 911 and took me back to the house. As soon as we got back we knew she was gone. My husband had tried CPR but it didn't help.

The ambulance finally arrived and took her from us. They knew it was too late. I was waiting for them to tell were they were going to take when they told us she was gone. I was devastated. I didn't want to believe them. I told them that I wanted to see my baby so they took me to the ambulance. I held her for the last time. She felt so cold and her face was bruised. I couldn't let go. She was my baby and wanted to keep her. That night we stayed with my husband's parents. Actually we never back home to that house. We went in long enough to get her things for the funeral, and then to pack and move. We live in a small town and were fortunate enough to have family and friend close by to help us. It has been 3 months and I still cry myself to sleep most nights. My sister had a new baby 4 weeks ago, and I still can't hold him, I can't even look at him. It's not fair she has a wonderful new baby and mine is gone.

Some people actually told me that I was still young and could have more babies. I can't even imagine having another baby. Nothing will every replace the one I lost.