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He would have been twelve today...

by Nancy Eckert,
Mom to Cory Steven.

He would have been twelve today, but there are no gifts to be opened...no cards to be read. There will be no trip to the miniature golf course or video arcade with some of his friends nor will there be a special meal or a birthday cake with candles that won't blow out.

He would have been twelve today, but I am left only with my memories and my imagination....I have no pre-teen boy to pretend embarrassment when I kiss him and tell him I love him. I am left to wonder what kind of "man-child" he would be: An athlete? A musician? A scholar? Would he be gangly and awkward, tripping over his own two feet or would he be "poetry in motion" on the soccer field or basketball court?

He would have been twelve today and I have been without him for eleven years, nine months. I have four picture frames on my desk at work which house the photographs of my four children. Three of those frames are changed regularly, chronicling the growth of three of my children with school, sports and prom pictures. His picture never changes, though. He is, and forever will be, a chubby-cheeked baby smiling into the camera...taken just three weeks before he died. His first, and only, "formal" portrait.

He would have been twelve today. Instead of planning a party, I will take flowers to where we had his ashes placed. I will arrange the flowers in the vase in the ground, taking one flower away with me, as has been my custom. I will walk around the children's section of the cemetary and "visit" the other SIDS babies I know to be buried there. I will then make one last stop by his marker, kiss my fingertips and touch his name.

He would have been twelve today and I miss him.

Nancy Eckert
Remembering Cory Steven who was born February 22, 1985...

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