Reminders & Where are You?

I wrote the following two poems for my son, Austin.

Sincerely, Janie French

Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1998

Reminders

The clouds form a shape that looks like your face.
Reminders of you all over the place.
The blush of your cheeks in the bloom of a rose.
Our first little boy has your very same nose.
The sun on my face is the warmth of your touch.
A reminder again that I miss you so much.
The blue of the sky is the same as your eyes.
The cry of other babies sounds like your cries.
Your laughter is heard in the sound of a creek.
A soft downy feather feels like your cheek.
But the biggest reminders of you, my son,
are the two halves of my heart that used to be one.

Where are You?

They say you went to Heaven
the day you passed away.
They say that God is holding you
in a very special way.
They say you're happy and at peace
and will be forever unharmed.
But how can all that be, I ask,
when you're not in your mother's arms?

I look for you in clouds and stars
and in each child's face.
I look and hope each spot I search,
maybe this is the place?
Will I see you by your grave
or hear your laughter by a stream?
Or will you only come to me
when I begin to dream?

Who are you with in Heaven,
if that is truly where you are?
Grandma? Grandpa? Uncle? Aunt?
Are you near or far
from all the others we have lost
across the past few years?
Or are you just a memory,
a reflection in our tears?

Such comfort I would find, I'm sure,
if I knew where and how.
Can't someone tell me where you are
if you're not with us now?
The answers I may never know
until my life ends too.
Until then, angel, please just know
that I am here for you.