1st Birthday

by Pam Gay
11th May 1998

My daughter Alauna's 1st Birthday is coming up. It is May 28, 1998. We lost her to SIDS July 15, 1997. For a child's 1st birthday she should have a cake to eat and make a mess out of and some new toys. The gift my daughter gets on her 1st birthday is a marker for her grave. I must admit that was so hard to do. We have put off getting one because it was just too hard. I miss her so much. We have a new baby due May 19, a week before her birthday. I hope and pray this one comes early or on it's due date because I want the 28th to belong to Alauna. I feel so happy about this baby but sad and guilty also. It can never replace my Alauna but I am so grateful to know I will soon have a precious baby to hold again. My arms have been so empty. It has been almost 10 months since losing Alauna. Sometimes it seems like years and other times it seems like it just happened days ago. Does the hurt ever go away? I never dreamed I would be taking balloons and flowers to my daughter at a cemetery for her 1st birthday but that is what we will do. She is our little angel now but oh how I wish she was here to have and to hold. So happy birthday Alauna!

Mommy and Daddy love you so much!!!!