Alauna's New Baby Sister

by Pam Gay
19th June 1998

My husband and I had a beautiful baby girl May 23, 1998. Her name is Ciarra. We lost our daughter Alauna to SIDS last July (July 15, 1997). My doctor did a slow induction so I would not have Ciarra on Alauna's 1st Birthday (May 28, 1998). I wanted that day for Alauna only. Ciarra is such a beautiful baby and she looks a lot like Alauna and also her 4 3/4 yr old and 3 yr old sisters Makayla and Talia. After losing a daughter to SIDS I feel so grateful to be able to hold and cherish Ciarra. Does it make my loss of Alauna any easier? No. I still miss her so much. It did help to be able to hold on to Ciarra on Alauna's birthday though. But it also made it harder. When I found out I was pregnant with Ciarra so soon after we lost Alauna I was in shock. But I also knew God knew whether the timing was right or not. He gave us a wonderful gift. I do have a lot of fears though. Losing Alauna was so hard and still is I just keep having faith that Ciarra will be fine. We have her on a monitor so we are able to sleep. It has helped a lot. Ciarra could never replace Alauna and is her own special little person and I am so grateful for her. She looks a lot like Alauna and it is weird sometimes to compare pictures. After losing Alauna it has made me a lot more grateful for the gift of children. You look at them in a different light and I feel are more patient when they are fussy because you know how grateful you are to have a fussy baby than no baby. I look at everyday as a gift and every morning when I see Ciarra's beautiful face I am so grateful that she is here with us and that she woke up in the morning. It is kinda scary when I first wake up cuz sometimes I am scared to look and see if she is breathing even though we do have the monitor those fears still linger. Does anyone else have these fears that had a baby not even a year after losing one? I would love to correspond with someone who does and would understand. My e-mail address is pam.ted@mci2000.com

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you.