It is your second Birthday, My Brandon

My sweet baby boy, It is your second birthday. I can not believe it, 2 years ago today, I cried with the deepest cries of joy and today I cry from my deepest soul with hollows of pain. Never did I think I would never be able to sing you happy birthday. Nor did I ever think I would know this relentless and agonizing pain. I had so many hopes and dreams of how I would celebrate your birthdays and your life. I knew they would be grand, For I would be celebrating one of God's greatest gifts, The gift of life. Yet, I stand here today.. with no cake, no smiles but empty arms and a broken, aching heart. Every day it seems like I am living in a nightmare, hoping to wake up. But I never do. As I sit and hold your baby brother in my arms, I dangle my hand down reaching for your hand but it remains empty. I often try and listen for your voice in the echoes of our house, and sometimes I believe I hear you. I try to imagine the noises you would have made.. running around, playing games with your daddy and me. I feel so sad for your brother too because he will miss having an older brother to play with, to tease, to follow, to love and to be best friends with. My little Brandon, how we miss you. Sweet boy, know that no matter how long I go on in this life, I will always long for you. My life will never be complete. And I will never let you be forgotten. Brandon John, your momma and dadda and baby bother Love you with their deepest souls. I wish (oh I wish so many things)