My Darling Son

by Belinda Helser

My name is Belinda Helser. We lost our son Austin Cody Helser to SIDS on January 29 , 1996 , he was 3 weeks and 2 days old.

My darling baby boy I miss you with everything I am and will be. I think of you always and since your death it has been with sadness that I thought of you. But time goes on and lessons are learned , you were here but a short while but your time here was an eternity in itself your 3 weeks on earth were but a span in time , and for me not long enough , but your job here was finished far faster then mine. I shall always remember your tiny face your sparkling eyes your little hands your sweet baby smell. Your quiet cry , everything there was for me to learn in such a short time. But the time for remembering with sadness is gone you should be remembered with smiles for all you were to us , not the tears and anger that fill my days with loneliness.

It is time my Darling son for me to live again and love as I once did. I will never forget you and I know this is as it should be. I love you as much now as I did the day you were born and my love will only grow. I will watch you grow in your brother and sister. I will see you shine when I look into the night sky. You are and always will be my precious child sent to me in love , and that love will be honored every day of my life. You will grow and learn to spread your wings and fly , if only in my heart.

I know now that I was being unfair to your memory by holding on to tight to you. I didn't want it to be true , and I still don't but I know that I have to let you spread your wings and fly. To be what destiny intended for you to be. You taught me love beyond reason and how to endure after long and intense pain , you taught me to be strong and I will never forget these lessons of love.

I am saying Good-Bye my sweet angel until we meet again. I love you always and forever , and I know that somehow you are the brightest star in the heavens watching over all of us and smiling your baby smile. And I know in my heart that this is the right thing for me to do. It's time for the pain to be put aside and for life to prevail. And I know that you are smiling down on me telling me to walk through life with smiles and happiness , to enjoy each day as if it were the last. To make a life for your brother and sister that they can be proud of , and I promise you I will do my best to fulfill that for them and for you.

I love you my son , Your forever in my thoughts only now it will be with a smile for the gift of even a day with you for every second every minute every hour every day. I will forever fell the nothingness of the place you left in my heart , but I will fill it with the love I feel for you. You are forever my Angel my bright and shinning star.

I LOVE YOU AUSTIN CODY HELSER ,
MAMA