Baby Jessica

by Jana

Date: Sun, 31 Jan 1999

As I sit here and read all these heart breaking stories feeling terrible for all these people, I felt is was about time for me to open up and share my story with you.

On March 3, 1987 my whole life changed. My beautiful baby girl was delivered by c-section. Now let me start by saying that throughout my entire nine months I was monitored very closely. By Jan. toward the end of my pregnancy I had not gained much weight. I was told that I had low fluid but not to worry. I had several ultra sounds and everything was just perfect. They had told me that she was a girl and all her organs were just the right size. "Nothing to worry about." I was put on disability and was told to just increase my fluid intake and stay off my feet. I left my job and just took it easy. We started painting the room pink and purchased all her furniture. Her room was just beautiful. My doctors made me come in once a week to have ultrasounds just to check on the baby's growth. They did say that she was small. Her lungs and kidneys were growing at the right rate. At this time we decided to schedule the c-section (she was breach). The date was set for March 3rd, exactly 9 months to the day.

We were so excited. When the day came me, my husband, and my dad made the drive to the hospital. At that time I was given my last ultrasound to see the position of the baby. She was still breach. Also at that time I was told that her lungs looked a little under developed; that at worst she would have to stay in the hospital for an extra 2-3 weeks. But once again, "not to worry." We went into delivery all excited. All I can remember was seeing all the doctors and nurses faces. For awhile I didn't hear her cry. It seems like forever but she did. I asked if everything was ok. They said yes. She had a hard time breathing but everything would be fine. They wouldn't let me see her. She needed to be cleaned and put on oxygen. We started to get very upset but we did remember what the doctor did say about her lungs. I was put in recovery when a doctor came in to tell me that the baby's heart was in distress. HER HEART!

I was so confused. We thought it was her lungs. Well as time went on, many hours, and still not being able to see her, we were told that she was going to be air lifted to another hospital where they could take care of babies like her. I had no idea what they were talking about "babies like her". Finally a women doctor from this so-called special hospital came in to talk to us. Before this my own doctors that took care of me for nine months and did many ultrasounds never came in. "I was told that they were in shock". We were told that the baby had Potters Syndrome and that she was not going to make it through the night.

Potters Syndrome is very rare. It happens at time of conception. She was born with only lung and kidney tissue. She was only surviving through me and would not make it on her own. She was on 100% oxygen. My husband and I did not want her to be transferred. We wanted her to stay with us and die in our arms, but we were told if there were a chance they could help her it would be in this special hospital. So with that on our minds we had to let her go. Just before they took her they wheeled her by us in this little bubble we could only see, but not touch her. That broke my heart. So for one brief minute we saw our beautiful little angel. My parents went with her. A few hours later my husband came in my room to tell me that she had died. I went numb. I didn't even know what to think. I just wanted to die.

The next morning my so-called doctors came in to talk to me. I couldn't even look at them. All they kept saying was, "I'm so sorry we had no Idea." "No idea? What were all the ultrasounds about, all the measurements, all the don't worries." They had nothing to say. I know I keep going on forever but believe it or not I never was able to talk about it like this. No one understands. I guess people think because she was only 8 hours old when she died that I shouldn't feel like I do. She was my life. When she died, I died and to this day a large part of me is still numb. This March 3rd she would have been 12 yrs old and it still feels like yesterday!

Thanks to all of you for listening to me. I finally feel like I found someone who can understand my pain. All I can say is that if anyone ever needs to talk, I'm always here for you, you can e-mail me at jcarra1@aol.com.

On a good note I now have a beautiful healthy daughter, Gabriella Rose. She is seven and I now live my life for her.

Thanks for listening.

Jana