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A little of everything

by Denise McIntyre

Date: Sat, 15 Apr 2000

I really don't know where to start or even why I am doing this, but here is my story. I had an ectopic pregnancy 12/98. I started bleeding and begged my doctor to do an u/s. He said that he didn't do ultrasounds and did a pelvic and said everything looked fine and that a lot of women bleed through their whole pregnancy. I started having severe abdominal pain and went to the ER. My husband was out of town on business. In the ER. even though they knew I was pregnant, they told me I was just constipated and to go home. I laid awake all night in pain, alone and scared thinking it was all in my head, they told me I was fine. The next morning I called my mom and told her I was dying ( I was obviously in shock). They took me to a different ER. where they did an u/s and told me it was ectopic. When they tried to do it laproscopic they found that it had ruptured and had to open me up. It took a long time to heal, but they told me I only had a 24% chance of having another ectopic. In the August following I was pregnant again with lots of hope. Again I started having pain, and knew in the back of my mind what it was. It happened to be the day before my brothers wedding which I was supposed to be in and I was in the hospital having emergency surgery at midnight. My dad (bless his heart) and my husband were there with me. In the hospital my doctor told me he would like me to see a specialist.

The specialist made the comment "You've had two ectopic abortions", which broke my heart. It made me feel like I had been the one to make the decision. The specialist got us rolling on IVF, as long as we had the money (which we didn't really) he was more than happy to try and help us. The IVF went great and I ended up pregnant (so they told me) on a Monday. I was overjoyed and so was my precious husband who has wanted this as much as I. On Tuesday I woke up and was bleeding heavily. I called my doctor and he said, well that means that whatever you had, you are passing it. This all happened in a little over a year. The first year of my marriage in fact. I'm not sure what to do next, as we are out of money and I don't think my heart can take much more. All I know is that I get up everyday and go to work and live, hoping that someday God will bless me with the child that my husband and I so want. I just feel that at this point there aren't many options. I have one tube left as the last one was saved, even though it had an ectopic in it. I have had two six inch scars on my stomach and have many scars on my heart. I am only 28 years old, so I guess I have time on my side. Someone once told me that God's time is not the same as our time-don't know if that's true. I pray every day that God will bless us and will never give up hope. If anyone ever needs to talk or would just like to reply with a similar situation, please email me at mcintyre@locallink.net. Thanks for listening.

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