Why did this happen?

by mickey@direct-internet.net

April 22,2000

3 weeks ago tomorrow, I started spotting. I was pregnant with my 3rd child, he was certainly not planned, but such a welcome surprise! I was 10 weeks and 2 days pregnant, being my 3rd baby I was not nearly as nervous for the first trimester as I was with my other 2. I had 2 beautiful children, why would this pregnancy be any different.

My husband was ecstatic, this was his second baby (my first from a previous marriage) and told everyone we knew. I had my first prenatal at 9.5 weeks and everything seemed great. baby was growing, mom was healthy. the morning sickness had stopped, and they booked my first appointment with the obstetrician. . I was reassured at the prenatal since I felt sort of funny, I had been so sick in the beginning and now felt great, why the change?? 4 days later the brown blood appeared. the doctor said not to worry, it was probably old blood from the prenatal tests. I rested the whole day and felt fine, that evening the brown turned red and my husband took me to the hospital. the cervix was closed, everything looked fine but I had to wait until the next day to have an ultrasound, that night the bleeding continued and got worse. the ultrasound was quick and I was by then, sure the baby was gone. the emergency room doctor confirmed my fears and called in the OBGYN, apparently my beautiful little baby had died at 7.5 weeks but my body had yet to acknowledge it. how could I be carrying a baby for 3 weeks that was dead?

I had to have a D and C that evening, they sent me home, while I waited to go back, the cramping and awful bleeding started. we rushed back to the hospital and I was taken to surgery right away where they removed my baby and left me feeling so empty.

Everyone says it's for the best, the baby would not have survived, better now than later. why does it hurt so much? I feel so empty and like something is missing.