My Sweet Angel James

by Kim Milliner
In memory of James Russell Milliner

Date: Fri, 25 Jun 1999

About 1 year before my husband and I got married, we decided that if we were ever blessed with a son we would name him after my father (James) and since he would have my Dad's name, his second name would be after Mike's Dad (Russell).

I have Type 1 Diabetes, which means multiple daily insulin shots and testing of Blood sugar. I also have Hypothyroidism (which means my thyroid gland does not produce enough of its hormone). I take a pill every day and I am fine.

Before we got pregnant, I researched pregnancy and Diabetes. I made sure that my diabetes was in excellent control three months before we got pregnant and got the OK from my doctor. Diabetics have to do this to make sure their babies do not develop severe birth defects. Even with this control birth defects and other complications like stillbirths can still happen. I was testing my BS (blood sugar) up to eight times a day. I went to see my family doctor to get a physical and to go off the pill. He said do not expect to get pregnant right away, it may take 6 months to a year.

Well we got pregnant the first month that we tried. We were so happy. The pregnancy went extremely well. I had no morning sickness, no complications of any kind. In fact, I think it went to well.

I had several ultrasounds done and the MSS test done. The tests showed that the baby was developing the way he should. When I had an ultrasound done at 31 weeks, we found out that were having a son. We were a little disappointed because through the entire pregnancy we thought James was a Becky. We then started to look forward to having a son. I enjoyed him kicking me. I even enjoyed him putting his feet under my ribs and the heartburn because I knew he was alive.

In my 34th week, something horrific happened. To this day, we do not know what happened. Friday Feb 5, 1999, I woke up to go to work and I did not feel like myself. I took my temperature and it read 101 degrees. I called my OB's office but he was scheduled for a week off so he was not there. I then called the OB that was on his machine. He asked if the baby was still moving. Jimmy was still kicking and being very active. He said just to take it easy and drink lots of fluids. He also said that if my temperature continues to climb go to the hospital. I called in sick that day. I did that and rested. I tried getting in touch with my husband via email but our email service was down and Mike is not allowed phone calls at work.

When he came home, we took my temp again. It was reading 102 and climbing. I took some Tylenol and it went down and climbed back up. The last time, that I felt Jimmy move was 3:30 PM Friday.

We then proceeded to the Hospital at which point the nurse could not get a heartbeat for our son. She called in an OB who did an ultrasound. We saw his head, spine, no movement, and no heartbeat. I didn't think much of that at the time. I just thought he was sleeping. The OB then turned to us and said "I am very sorry but your baby is dead!" That statement will remain in my mind forever.

That weekend was the worst weekend. I should have expected this because everything bad that happens to my family happens in February. To make matters worse, the OB that delivered our beautiful son was cruel and brutal. So brutal that she ripped his arm open. She was impatient that because it was taking a while for him to come out, she just put her whole arm inside of me and yanked him out causing me to have a fourth degree tear and epistomy.

It has taken about 2 1/2 months to recover from the pain of my sons birth.

He was such a beautiful child with a lot of black hair. He had huge feet and hands. He had a very cute nose. He weighed 7 lbs. 1/2 oz and measured 20 inches long.

He is missed by a lot of people. He is very much missed by his Mommy and Daddy.

Some people think that we are crazy for holding him and seeing him after his birth. I am so glad that his Mommy and Daddy, Both sets of Grandparents, His one aunt were able to do that. We have so many precious pictures of our son. I am creating a memory book for him.

Anyone wishing to contact may do so at kmilliner68@yahoo.ca