Once bitten twice shy - a Story of loss and hope
Date: Wed, 25 Oct 2000
I really enjoyed reading the testimonials on your site and it gave me the
courage to write my story. I am currently pregnant...but don't ask how far
along, because I'm not sure. After my first pregnancy and miscarriage in late
June of 2000 (I miscarried one week before I was married to the most wonderful
man), I have been having irregular bleeding so it's pretty tough to determine my
last period. It was very difficult trying to be happy and visit with family and
grieving at the same time. Even though I was probably only 5 weeks pregnant,
both my husband and I felt the loss deeply. Well, 3 weeks ago, my breasts were
swollen and tender-quick quick quick...get that HPT! Thank goodness they only
cost about $7.00 these days! Hooray...a little pink line. My husband made me go
out and buy 3 more just to keep on hand so we could check whenever we wanted.
Unfortunately...I was bleeding...and quite heavily too. It has now been 21 days
since I took the first HPT and then a blood test at the hospital and have been
bleeding ever since with some mild cramping. Exactly 1 week ago, I had an
internal ultrasound...my uterus is empty. The technician said she "couldn't
see the sac"...no fetus. I'm still bleeding. Things don't look so good.
I've miscarried once before and I don't feel right about all this bleeding
nonsense. Some women have told me that they bled through all their pregnancies
and they have healthy children. I just can't believe that and probably won't
until I see for myself that there is something inside me on the sonograph. It
just doesn't seem real yet. I don't know whether to be sad, happy, calm,
realistic, angry, confused, or frustrated. It is such a confusing maze of
emotions and thoughts. I feel like my husband and I can't plan anything in our
lives, and that we'd be setting ourselves up for a huge fall if we were to get
too excited about anything just yet. I hope I can find the strength somewhere to
cope with the consequences...whatever they may be. God bless to all the other
women who find themselves dealing will loss and difficult pregnancy.
Thank you for reading my story.
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