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Our Little Christian

by Sarah Morris

Date: Wed, 4 Aug 1999

My story is like so many others. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half when I started feeling sick. I thought I had the flu, I decided to go to the doctor. I found out the first week of March that I was pregnant. I was so excited, yet there was something inside that worried me. I was having some spotting, so I panicked. My husband and I had several visits to the ObGyn. Everything looked normal, yet I still had this nagging fear. I was developing normally.

We had wanted to wait to tell friends and family until I was 4 months.
We had our 4th month check up, still everything normal, so we told everyone!! My husband has a 7 year old son, Andy. We told him and he was extremely excited. He wanted a brother. We had another check up on Tuesday, June 8 and I really wanted to have another sonogram, even though the doctor said I was fine and healthy. The doctor said my insurance would not pay for it because it was not medically necessary.

I said fine, I will pay for the sonogram. So, on Friday, June 11 we went in for the sonogram at Women's Imaging. The nurse didn't say much, but we saw a VERY healthy little boy, just like what Andy wanted.

He was the right weight and everything. Once the nurse was done, she got the doctor, my husband and I didn't think anything was wrong. The nurse and doctor came back and said that I was dilated and that I needed to be taken by ambulance to the hospital, where hopefully they could save the baby. We left by ambulance immediately. Once admitted into the hospital my husband and I had the worst feeling. We knew we were bound for the worst, but I just wanted to get up and run away, but I knew I couldn't. There wasn't anything the doctors could do, I was dilated too far. I started labor at about 2:30 that afternoon and at 11:30 PM, I delivered a beautiful baby boy, Christian Lee. He weighted 8.4 oz and was 9 1/2 inches long. He was beautiful. My husband and I were allowed to hold him and we kept him with us all night. Our family was so supportive. We were dismissed from the hospital on Saturday afternoon. Christian was then taken to the funeral home. We had a service on the following Tuesday, June 15. Andy took the news so hard.

I know it's been almost 2 months, but I feel like I should still be in maternity clothes and picking out things for the perfect baby room. I know that my husband, my step son and I are closer now than ever before, but I still want my child. It hurts so much to watch TV and see new mothers with their children. I work with 2 ladies that are expecting and they are planning their baby showers. It hurts so bad that I will never be able to pick out anything for my little Christian.

To not be able to take him to the doctors office or the dentist or kiss him goodnight. It just hurts so bad. It's really good to hear other stories of how people are coping.

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