Three Lost Angels
by Lori Munger
Date: Wed, 1 Dec 1999
My first miscarriage happened in February of 1995. I was so excited and told everyone. I started bleeding at 7 weeks very heavily and passed a partial part of my child. I had a d & c right away. We were devastated. I couldn't get it off of my mind but a few months later, we tried again and in August of 1995 I became pregnant again. Again at 7 weeks, I started to spot brown lightly. I kept hoping because I wasn't bleeding heavily, I can't be miscarrying. I was told to stay off my feet and then on the third day of spotting, I began to bleed heavily. I cried all day.
That night I had an anxiety attack and had to be taken to the hospital. They did an ultrasound and there was still a weak heartbeat. We still had hope. The next morning I went to have another ultrasound and confirmed that the baby was dead. I couldn't believe this was happening again. Boy, did I hate God. I kept thinking what did we do to deserve this. I had another d & C which made me sick. We again waited the three months and my doctor finally concluded that my body at 7 weeks didn't produce enough estrogen, so she put me on Clomephene and once I did get pregnant, I got hormone shots weekly until 12 weeks. Well, in my 3rd pregnancy, I started to bleed again at 7 weeks, I had an ultrasound and everything was o.k. Needless to say that pregnancy was a long, long 9 months. I wasn't satisfied until I held my beautiful little boy in my arms. He is now 2 now and I am currently 13 weeks pregnant. The only bad news is at 6 weeks, I started spotting again and we had an ultrasound and was told there was twins. One sac was smaller than it should be and I would have another ultrasound at 12 weeks. When we went for our ultrasound on November 26, 1999, they told us only one fetus survived. We were devastated again. I couldn't believe it, I didn't even bleed. They told me that sometimes it just gets reabsorbed into the uterus. I don't know why God keeps doing this to us. I hope he has a plan. I have to trust him. We felt so guilty because we were so shocked at first to learn we were having twins and now we lost one. I think I'll go to my support group again. If any of you have one in your area, they helped me a great deal through my first two miscarriages. It does get easier, but you never forget. I have so many mixed feelings this time, I have a healthy child inside of me but grieve for the lost child I will never meet. I'm so scared to continue this pregnancy, all those old feelings are back. God bless all of us who ever have to experience this awful tragedy.
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