Three Years Without My Sweet Olivia

by Jeanette Wayne

This is the letter of love that I wrote to my precious Olivia Grace for her third birthday. She was my beloved firstborn child, stillborn on May 11, 1995.

My beloved Olivia Grace,

It is unbelievable that it has been 3 years since I felt the thrill of your wondrous movements in my womb. Three years since you graced my world with your birth. Three years since I beheld you in all of your splendor. Three years since I gazed upon your exquisite little face....since I touched your beautiful, velvety skin...since I inhaled your sweet baby scent....since I kissed your elegant hands and lovely head....since I rocked you for the first and last time....since I held you tightly against my breast and whispered "I love you" a thousand times in your tiny ear. Three years seems like an eternity to be denied these sacred expressions of my love for you. Oh, how my heart and soul ache for you, my precious baby girl.

I long to know what you would have been like. Would you have had a fiery temper or would you have been a peaceful child? Would you have been a bit hyperactive like your Mommy or relaxed like your Daddy? What would your favorite Bible story have been, or your favorite school subject or hobby? What would you have wanted to be when you grew up? What would have been important and special to you? And what would you have looked like? Would your hair have stayed dark and would your eyes have been brown like Daddy's and mine or blue like Emmaline's? Would you have been tall and athletic or petite and delicate? To your proud Mommy, you would have been radiantly beautiful in your every feature and character trait.

I would move heaven and earth to have you here with me and Daddy and your sweet little sister, Emmaline. What a wonderful life we would have had together, full of all that is bright and good and beautiful. We would have lavished you with infinite love and affection. We would have cherished you, just as we did for those 8 months that you were with us. I will never forget the precious time we had with you. Every moment with you will forever be etched in my memory and treasured in my heart. I am inexpressibly thankful for your precious life and I am incredibly honored to be your Mommy.

Darling Olivia, I miss you with all of my being. I would give anything to be holding you in my arms right now, or kissing your sweet face, singing to you, talking to you, reading you stories, dancing and playing with you, brushing your hair, dressing you up for church, soothing away your "owies" and watching you sleep in angelic peace. But at the same time, I am grateful that you are in a blissful place. I'm so glad that you won't ever have to experience pain or sorrow, evil or darkness. I just pray that God and His angels will fill your every moment with perfect love and joy, and that He will hold you close, until I get there....

My heart is yours,
Mommy

June 24, 1998

E-mail is welcome to Jeanette Wayne at rwayne1@citcom.net