Tiffany Sara

by Marie Reiber

Date: Thu, 14 Oct 1999

I found out I was pregnant in March 1999. As I had an IUD fitted, this was quite a surprise for my husband and I. We already had two children (now 7 & 9), and hadn't planned having any more. Well we very soon got used to the fact that child number three was on the way, and were very happy.

My previous two pregnancies were perfectly normal, so I was very worried when I started to bleed. I was in about the 6th week when the bleeding began. It was usually dark red/brown, so my doctor told me it was nothing to worry about. I occasionally had bright red blood, but I was told that this sometimes happens and that it would usually stop if I rested. I bled most days for the rest of my remaining pregnancy.

I never had a good feeling about it though. My instincts were telling me something else, but I was at the doctor very often, and I had many scans and was always told that everything was fine. Eventually I began to believe maybe I was just being paranoid.

I felt the movements early, about the 15th week. They never got very strong though, and I presumed that this time I had a quiet baby. I was scanned again in the 19th week, and the baby was a little small but nothing to worry about, my dates were put back a week.

I was quite ill in the next weeks. My son had mumps so I was tested as well, but the test was negative. I called the doctor's office twice but was told that illness wasn't dangerous unless I had a high temperature, which I didn't. I was to come to my normal appointment in the 23rd week.

The next time I was at the doctor's the baby was already dead. The following days I was in a trance, the pain was so great that I was just functioning. My brain wasn't working at all. I just did as I was told to do. I gave birth two days later, on the 8th July. I thought my heart would break. I was in deep shock for the first 10 days or so. It was the first time in my life that I was on the edge of madness. I've cried a lot of tears since then for my second daughter Now, three months later, I still find it very difficult to talk to people about what happened without getting upset. The test results showed that I had a type of shingles, and the virus attacked the placenta so badly that the baby didn't receive enough nutrients and oxygen, and so died.

I now see it as fate. My daughter; Tiffany Sara, was too good for this world, and I have to learn to live with this fact. Nothing will bring her back.
We are planning to try for another baby sometime in the near future. Though we know that no-one will ever take Tiffany's place, another baby will help to mend our broken hearts and fill our aching arms.

Reading all of your stories has helped me a great deal. It is comforting to know that there are many mothers that know EXACTLY how I feel. I wish you all the very best for the future,

Marie