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My Baby Brother Zeke

by Chrissy Sweeting
Zeke's sister

This story is written about Zachariah Steven Heath Crissey, 4/12/96 -12/4/96, by his sister Christine at age 7. It was dictated to her grandmother by her and is in her words.

Update: 12/7/2005

Update: 2/29/2008

reprinted with permission

I wish Zeke didn't die. I miss him and my brother Jake and my family
miss him. If I could make one wish, it would be that I could have Zeke
back. I liked when I could play with him. I helped feed him and I
wound his swing and pushed him in it. I liked to watch him play in his
bouncing chair and play with him in his walker. He used to pull my
hair. I used to play with him in his spinning chair at my Nana's house
when we stayed there sunday afternoons. He used to throw his toys down
and I would pick them up and give them back to him. Sometimes he made
funny faces when he didn't like his food and would spit it back out. I
would help with him.

I'm sorry that Zeke and other babies die of SIDS and I wish it would
stop. I wish I could do something to stop SIDS. I love my brother Zeke
and I always will love him. I will always miss him. I talk to my
brother Jake about Zeke so he doesn't forget him because Jake is
little. I liked to hold Zeke and so did Jake. I like this poem for
him.

Loved you yesterday - Love you still
Always have - always will!
We will always miss you Zekey.

4/6/97

Updated 12/7/2005

For those of you who don't know, I said good bye for the last time to a loved one 9 years ago today. My baby brother Zachariah Steven Heath Crissey died on December 4, 1996. I will never forget the way he use to giggle and laugh. Some people might say because I was only seven that I wouldn't remember him, but to those who have never had to deal with the pain of losing a sibling as young as Zeke have no clue how it feels if my brother who was 3 at the time can remember Zeke then i think a seven year old can remember him. If you could please post this so that others no that their not alone in this hard battle. If i ever had one wish I'd wish that I that I could tell Zachariah that his family misses him dearly and would do anything to have him back again.

To quote my grandmother Patty...
" Loved you yesterday - Love you still Always have - always will!"

We love you Zeke. We hope your looking down on us and that you know how much we miss you.

I love you Zeke. Love for ever and always,

Your Big Sister Chrissy

Updated 2/29/2008

It's the 29 of February, 12 days after the birth of my gorgeous baby cousin Megan Julienne. She was born on Feb. 17 at 5:47 a.m. I was up most of the night and day running on two hours of sleep. She's beautiful ... all 10 fingers and toes, and that poor baby will never know the burden my heart carries for her. I'm terrified that something will happen to her and I will loose her like I lost Zachariah. I never knew that I could have this much hurt over something so little and so young of age. She is the first true infant I can really remember. Of course I remember Zeke but I was so hurt and traumatized after he died that I remember very very little before he was born. I feel so much happiness and joy yet so much sorrow over her. I never knew that the idea of a new baby could pull on the heart strings of a baby once lost. I'm scared for her, she's so strong yet weak. She's amazing, but I can't explain the horror I feel. I feel like I have almost betrayed my brother. Like I'm replacing him somehow even though nothing could ever take his place...  I hope that others can find a way to ease the pain of a lost child or sibling. She can never replace him and she will always hold a burden in my heart of what could happen. Zeke... I know you're watching over your big sister and I talk to you a lot. Please remember I will never forget you and she will never replace you... I know that you had something to do with me falling in love with her so quickly and easily and I thank you so much for that. You knew I needed a little something to always remind me of you and you gave me so much more than that. Thank you so much Zachariah, and someday I will be able to see you again and to hold you and care for you as great as I will care for Megan. Thank you Zeke and I hope that everyone who has ever lost someone knows that. That someone they lost has or will send them something to protect and love almost as much as they care for that loved one. Thank you Zeke. Love always, your big Sister and will always be .... protector.

 

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