Emotional Snapshots

in loving memory of Devin Taylor Estes
July 3, 1995 - September 11, 1995

by Jan Estes

reprinted with permission

The memories of you wash over me
like waves along the shore . . .

I can scarcely recall the entire memory
before I am slapped with another . . .

They are not complete memories -
more like emotional snapshots . . .
one right after the other in rapid succession,
these emotional snapshots engulf me
as I lose track of all time . . .

They seem to have a memory of their own,
as they lead me down memory lane . . .
giving me just glimpses of you and I . . .
bits and pieces of our life together . . .

These emotional snapshots arouse such intense emotions:
excruciating pain, thunderous rage, black sadness, regret, longing, loving, and aching.
They well up inside me like an angry storm . . .

They are so intense that I cannot even remember my life without you . . .
And, yet, I will cherish these emotional snapshots . . .
until they are replaced by the whole memory one day.

I pray that the complete memory will bring the quiet after the storm . . .
gratitude, love, joy and peace . . .
like a still lake on a warm summer's day . . .

When I can recall the memory in it's entirety . . .
When I can recall the complete memory with a smile . . .
Then I will know that the healing is complete . . .