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My beautiful angels, Troy and James

by Debbie Szaroleta

Date: Mon, 24 May 1999

My husband and I married in September of 1996 and I found out we were pregnant four months later. We were so happy!! At seventeen weeks I had an amino and found out we were having a healthy baby boy. Three weeks later our dreams were shattered, when I went in thinking my water was leaking and found out I was dilated to five cm. We were told we were going to loss our precious baby boy. The next day, April 30, 1997, after four hours of labor our son Troy Austin was born weighing 10 1/2 ounces and was 10 1/2 inches long. He was so small, but yet so beautiful. We spent some time with him and the nurses took his picture which we will treasure forever. The doctors say we lost Troy due to me having an incompetent cervix, which I did not believe since I have two sons from two previous marriages.

After being given the okay three months later to start trying again, it took us nine months to get pregnant again. We found out two days after Troy's first birthday in heaven, it was like he was sending us a gift. We were scared to death, but I never thought this could happen again. How could it?? We switched doctors he scheduled me for a cerclage "just in case" he said that it couldn't hurt to have it done. So at thirteen weeks I had the cerclage put in. At seventeen weeks, after an ultrasound, my doctor told me that I was funneling, but the stitch was doing it's job and not to worry. How could we not worry?? We were scared to death as it was and then to get this news. This news also confirmed my having an incompetent cervix. I had an early miscarriage between my sons and had to have a D&C and then had some of my cervix removed before my pregnancy with my second son. We are assuming this is were the incompetent cervix comes in. Which to me is still very hard to believe since I do have my eight year old and never had any complications with him.

Two weeks later at my nineteen week appointment, the nurse tried to find the heartbeat with the Doppler and had no luck, I wasn't to worried since she said she had heard it for a second but the baby kept moving. When the doctor came in, he couldn't find it either, so off to the ultrasound room we went. My son was with me and he asked me "mom, were not going to lose another baby, are we??" Of course I told him "no", never dreaming that we already had. The doctor kept looking at the ultrasound, it seemed like forever and I finally asked "do you see the heartbeat??" He responded with "No Hon, I'm sorry I don't", I have heard those words over and over in my head. I couldn't believe it, how could this happen to us again.

I called my husband and a friend to pick up Bryan. My husband and I went over to the hospital to have a better ultrasound to be sure. We went to the hospital the next day, August 11, 1998 and were induced. They did another ultrasound, but my prayers were unanswered again. After about eight hours of labor, James Michael was born weighing 5 1/2 ounces and was eight inches long. He was even smaller than Troy, I was so scared to hold him, but we did. He was beautiful, just like his big brother Troy. We had James cremated and his ashes put with Troy's in the little angel urn we had bought when we lost Troy. Now our angels will be together forever until their mommy and daddy can join them. Sleep tight my sweet angels, until we meet again.

Please feel free to email me at
debiz@cyberhighway.net
Also you can read my whole story at
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Garden/9938/Home/Home.htm

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