6 Precious Gifts

by Nola Traut

My story takes place over a period of 6 years so I will abbreviate it As much as possible.

My name is Nola. I am 29 years old and my husband and I have lost 6 Babies. After reading just a few of your stories, I feel it is time For me to tell mine.

Darryl and I were married in march of 1990 and decided that we wanted To have a baby straight away. After trying for about a year to fall Pregnant without success we went to a fertility specialist who Tested us both and could find nothing wrong. For this reason he put Me on to a mild dose of fertility drugs just in case I was not Ovulating. In our third cycle on the drugs I fell pregnant. I had My first ultrasound scan at around 7 weeks where we saw the first Image of what was to be a very happy future. A strong heartbeat Could be seen and we all figured that from that point on it would Be plain sailing. When I was 9 and 1/2 weeks pregnant I started Bleeding and by that same night I spontaneously aborted. The next Day I was taken in for a DNC and our happy future seemed to have Become unbearably bleak.

After waiting a month, I started the fertility drugs again and fell Pregnant again in my second cycle. My doctor immediately started me On a course of injections to help to maintain the pregnancy. Once Again at about 7 weeks we had a scan and everything looked perfect. But this time we were careful not to get our hopes up until we were Past the 12 week mark. Once we reached 12 weeks without any Problems we all breathed a sigh of relief and began to accept this Baby as a reality and look forward to the day that he/she would Be with us. In my 13th week however I awoke one morning with a Severe pain in my stomach and Darryl rushed to straight to my doctor. After a scan which showed that the baby and pregnancy appeared fine, It was established that it was actually my appendix which was causing The pain and I was taken into surgery to have it removed. 48 hours After the surgery I was again given an ultrasound and the baby had Apparently survived the surgery totally unscathed. Once again we all relaxed and looked forward to the arrival of our Baby. 8 weeks later however, I felt my mucous plug come out and Began having painless contractions. Once again took me back To my doctor who on examination found that I was 4cm dilated. He Admitted me into hospital and put up an iv drip to try and stop my Contractions. After 4 days in hospital my waters broke and I went Into labour. After 12 hours in labour our baby died, but I was still Not fully dilated. After another 12 hours I was still unable to Deliver and was taken in for a cesarean section. This was the Tragic end to our second pregnancy and our baby boy's life.

It was established from this that I also had an incompetent cervix And that any future pregnancies would have to be handled by having A shirodkar suture put into my cervix to keep it closed.

This time we waited about 7 months before trying again and I fell Pregnant my first month back on the fertility drugs. We once again Had the injections to maintain the pregnancy and at the scan at Around 7 weeks we not only discovered one healthy heartbeat but two. As thrilling as the idea was that we were now expecting twins, it Was also not such good news considering the fact that I had an Incompetent cervix. My doctor decided that because it was twins He wanted to put the stitch in my cervix straight away which he did. This pregnancy continued without complications until I was in my 20th Week when my stitch started to tear my cervix and had to be removed And replaced with a new one. 2 days after this was done, I developed An infection which led to septicemia and the pregnancy had to be Terminated to save my life. Our little son and daughter were again Delivered by c-section but were much too small to survive. I spent about 10 days in intensive care with many complications. I eventually went home after a further 2 weeks in hospital.

At this point the doctors advised us that another pregnancy would be extremely dangerous for me as the complications had weakened my internal organs to such an extent that the increased pressure which a pregnancy puts on your organs could be fatal.

Once again I went home with empty arms and a broken heart. It took many months for my husband and I to come to terms with our loss, but a good marriage and lots of family support eventually helped us accept our loss.

For the following year and a half we did not even discuss what we would do next in respect of having children. But then Christmas of 1994 arrived and with it an offer from Darryl's sister to attempt to surrogate for us. We immediately set the wheels in motion, contacting the doctors and starting the treatment to enable her to do this for us. In April of 95 we had our first embryo transfer (my egg + Darryl's sperm once fertilized was implanted into his sisters uterus). But the first attempt failed and this was followed by two more attempts all of which failed. At this point we were all emotionally drained and decided to give up the idea of surrogacy.

Another 6 months passed and once again we felt it was time to do something to fulfill our desire to have a child. After much debate, we decided that I would try once more. It had been 3 years since my last miscarriage and physically I was in fine health again. We started fertility treatment again and in March of this year I fell pregnant with twins again.

Due to my past history, we decided not to have a stitch, but instead I went to bed when I was 16 weeks pregnant and planned to stay there for the rest of the pregnancy. Once again at about twenty weeks a scan showed that my cervix appeared to be shortening so I was admitted to hospital and put onto a Ipradol drip which we hoped would prevent any further shortening of the cervix. I stayed in hospital for the next six and a half weeks and my cervix held closed beautifully. Then out of the blue with no warning at all, at lunch time on September 21, my uterus ruptured. I was rushed into theatre where they operated immediately because they were afraid that I would bleed to death. By the time they had cut me open, the one baby was already out of the uterus and floating around in my abdomen. The second baby was still in the uterus. They delivered the babies and with some difficulty managed to get them breathing. They were immediately transferred to the Neo-natal intensive care unit and put onto respirators etc. The doctors then tried to repair my uterus, but 48 hours later I was bleeding internally to an extent that there was no alternative but to give me a hysterectomy.

Our two beautiful baby girls - Megan and Casey - fought bravely for 2 weeks, but at the end of it they were just to premature to survive and they passed away within 24 hours of one another. Megan died on the evening of October 3 and Casey in the early hours of October 5. We buried them together in a tiny grave in a quiet suburb nearby.

It has been about two months since they died and I am not sure how or when I will ever come to terms with losing them. I miss them terribly and not a day goes by that thinking of them doesn't bring tears to my eyes.

I really am not sure now what the future holds in store for us, all I know is that my desire for a child seems even more overwhelming than ever.

Regards
Nola