The Greatest Loss Of My Life

by Kristin

Date: Fri, 29 Jan 1999

This is being sent because I feel I am ready to tell my story, and would love to share my loss with everyone.

My husband and I have endured many tragedies in our lives, but none can compare to the tragedy of losing our son TRAVIS. Ki (my husband) and I have been together for almost seven years. We were married in October of 97 and in January of 98 decided to start our family. I stopped taking the pill in January, and per everyone's request waited until April to start "trying" to get pregnant. It didn't take long and on June 6, 1998 we took our home test. POSITIVE!!!!!! No one could be happier than us. To make a long story short, after a totally uneventful pregnancy...(very healthy, no problem pregnancy, all tests were great), my son was stillborn on the 24th of November, 1998. I was 28 weeks and 4 days pregnant. It was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

The Friday prior was the last day I felt my baby move. That is what sent the flags flying in my head because he was very, very active. I did not want to call the doctor when his movements seemed to cease because I thought I was just being a "worry wart" (for lack of better words). But after not feeling any movement, Monday I called and went in. The doctor, trying to protect me said he wanted me to go to the hospital because his doppler was not working well and that their equipment was much better. I knew something was wrong. I picked my husband up and we went to the hospital. They took me right in and immediately put me on the fetal monitor. I work in the health care field and knew right away that there was no heartbeat. I delivered him the next day at 12:30p.m. ... still. There are no answers for us...autopsy results, blood work on him and me show nothing. Maybe it is for the best that there are no "answers" . Just an act of God. I don't know how to say what I am feeling, I guess I just feel so violated, like something was stolen from us...something that was so wanted and loved. My loss is still so new and I am going on, but there will always be an empty space in my heart, that no one will understand, or fill. We are surviving and dealing with our day to day lives, but not a minute goes by that we don't wonder "why"... May God bless you and keep you...and me

If anyone would like to share their story or just talk with someone please e- mail me...I need you like you need me (trav11242@aol.com)

Fondly, Kristin