"Wade's Mother's Story"

What follows is the story of Wade Matthew McMullin, my son.

Denise McMullin

On May 25, 1995, the eight week ultrasound confirmed what we already knew. We were pregnant with our second child. We had already begun choosing names and rethinking budgets. We were making plans.

The 18 week ultrasound told us he was a boy. We were so excited that our four-year-old, Bryant was to have a baby brother. He began his own plans of teaching the baby how to play, how to walk, and how to talk.

We didn't know it then, but we weren't "making plans" . We were building dreams.

My pregnancy continued unremarkably. I gained ample weight, enjoyed good health, and made my regular trips to the OB. The doctor fussed the time I went in and had gained SIX pounds in two weeks. I didn't let that happen again!

My baby was due January 5, 1996, and my maternal instincts told me he was going to be a late baby. I had a feeling he was going to be like big brother Bryant and keep us waiting two extra weeks for his big entrance.

On January 4, 1996, the doctor confirmed my suspicions. One day left till "D-day" and my cervix was, as the doctor put it, "as tight as a banjo string". That was okay with me as I still had a nursery to decorate, shower gifts to put away, and loose ends to tie up at work. My baby could take all the time he needed.

That same night, Greg and I laid in bed watching T.V. We were marveling at the baby's antics. He was especially active. I was also receiving some gentle ribbing about my size. I didn't mind though, as I knew it would only be two more weeks, tops.

Greg got up to get a bowl of ice cream, and I tried to get comfortable and rolled over. Just as I did, I heard a pop.

I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I thought, "I haven't even had a contraction. This can't be it!" When I looked down I saw a lot of blood. "This isn't right." I yelled for Greg. He called the doctor, an ambulance, a friend to stay with Bryant, and my parents.

The ambulance attendant asked if the baby had moved since I began bleeding. I said no. He said nothing. I changed the subject.

There were no sirens. No lights.

When we got to the hospital, two smiling labor and delivery nurses greeted us. One said, "What an exciting night!" I felt relief. Maybe things weren't so bad.

The nurses got the instrument out that I had become so familiar with. The instrument I had become so confident about. They tried to find a heartbeat. Greg and I were silent as they searched.

They quickly wheeled in a sonar machine. We saw a picture of our baby. He was so still. The doctor broke the silence. "These are the four chambers of the heart. There is no movement."

I screamed. Greg sobbed.

Wade Matthew touched our lives. He gave us many gifts. I want to share those gifts, and I will. But just for now I wanted to tell my story.

Wade's Mommy, Denise McMullin