If Love Alone...

by Richard Waldrop

After reading the messages of the other people and their loss, I felt compelled to share our Brittney's story with everyone.

Date: 30 Jun 1999

We had a pretty uneventful pregnancy. Everything went as it was supposed to go. We were very excited about the arrival of our baby girl and had everything that we needed to welcome her. At 38 weeks we went to see our doctor and he measured my wife and said she was coming along perfectly. He then wanted to listen to her heartbeat and got out his stethoscope and started listening. He moved it around for a while and said it must be all the background noise because he couldn't hear anything. So he got out the Doppler and started listening some more. Still nothing. Now me and my wife are really starting to worry and I can tell that she is almost in tears. So the doctor has us go into the ultrasound room and check things there. He hooks her up and we see our Brittney right there on the screen. And I remembered from our first ultrasound that you could see the heartbeat. Only this time there wasn't one. And after looking for a while he asks my wife when was the last time you felt her move. And she told him earlier that morning. He looked at the screen one more time and told us he was sorry. But there was no heartbeat. At this time my wife lost it and all I could do was stand there looking at the screen and almost trying to will her heart to start beating again. After leaving us alone for a few minutes he told us our options. We decide to induce labor later that day.

We got to the hospital and the staff had everything ready for us. They started her on pitocin and said once she started contracting to let them know. An hour or so later they started and within 2 1/2 hours she was fully dilated. They then chased everyone out of the room (we had a lot of support and the staff at the hospital was great) except for me and her mom and we started the process. 5 hours after arriving our Brittney Marie was born. She weighed 5lbs. 14 oz and was 19 inches. She had her moms nose, my eyes, and her grandmother's upper lip. She was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. The nurses cleaned her up. And brought her back to us. I held her first and made sure that I made mental images of everything about her. I then gave her to my wife, and she started singing and talking to her. The doctor pulled me aside and told me that based on his observations. The umbilical cord had twisted severely and developed a blood clot in it. I think he called it "cord torsion". So we held her and talked to her and let her know that we would always love and remember her. The next day, leaving the hospital without her was the hardest thing I ever remember doing. I'm just glad that we had a great doctor and a great nursing staff. They made it easier. We laid Brittney to rest 3 days later and make it a point to go see her every Sunday after church. Being there helps us feel close to her. We got the tests that they performed back later on and the genetic tests, blood tests, and cord and placenta tests showed nothing abnormal except for the twisting and blood clot in the cord. We are trying again right now and hope that we are successful as soon as we can be. But I'm not looking forward to 9 months of worry.

If Love Alone...

A million times I've cried
If love alone could have saved you
You never would have died
In life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart you hold a place
That nothing could ever fill
The golden gates stood open
He saw you needed rest
God's garden must be beautiful
Cause he only takes the best

tncwaldrop@aol.com