by Julia Chen
Han-han is my first baby and I believe she is always a part of myself. However, after her death, I am afraid of bearing another child since I cannot prevent the experience from torturing me again and again. And I have no courage to face my family-in-law and to explain why this happened to us. My mother-in-law cannot forgive me for losing such a beautiful child. To avoid bad luck, she even forbids me going to the temple to see her urn. Why the Fate is so cruel to me? I lost my child. Why should I lose my memory of her again?
A very very sad mother,
reprinted with permission
To her, all hopes had shaped slowly in the stream of time, like a
Days are tinted with beautiful dreams, like a yarn woven by a
Until that day [November 8, 1995], all expectations were turned
Unfortunately, life only permitted her partial beauty, and did it
She preferred not believing, or even experiencing that moment.
When the doctor signed that death certificate, her feeling was
Out the window did a butterfly flap its broken wings. It seemed
Inside was her heart, broken piece by piece, bleeding....
In bed lied Han-han, quietly, obediently, like embracing a
It was a breezy, sunny Friday morning. Han-han is never awake.
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