Christmas Angel

by Melody Winton 
moonangel@uswest.net 

Date: Tue, 9 Feb 1999

I was told by my doctor in November of 1997 that I had polycystic ovaries and that we probably should begin having kids. We needed to go on fertility treatment. So when I got pregnant it was one of the happiest days of my life. Within a few weeks I began spotting and one day I sneezed and felt a gush, it was blood. I was told by my doctor that I had broken a blood vessel and not to worry.

My pregnancy was fine after that, except that I started getting really big fast. Until I got my first ultrasound, I found out that my amniotic fluid was high. The doctor again said not to worry, since the ultrasound tech was able to find my baby's stomach. He did schedule me another ultrasound at my next visit. Well, I didn't make it to that visit, because the day before that visit I began Contracting very heavy, and I had dilated to 2-3 cm, with a paper thin cervix. At that time I was only 25 weeks. The excess fluid had gotten so high that my body thought that I was full term and started to put me into labor. I got an amnio drain, and was put on bed-rest the rest of my pregnancy.

After many ultrasounds the doctors figured that the baby at worst did not have a connection between his esophagus and his stomach. However they would not know for sure if that was it until he was born. I talked to a baby surgeon and he assured me that an operation could be done on the baby when he was born, and he would be fine. They do those operations all the time. I was in and out of the hospital for the next 10 weeks. In that time I had 6 amnio drains. When I was 35 weeks pregnant they did a test on the baby's lungs and they were very immature. I was told that since I had too much fluid the test was probably diluted.

While I was in the hospital on December 24, 1998, my water broke. I was 35 and a half weeks pregnant. I was reassured by the doctors that Logan had an excellent chance of survival, especially since I had made it this far. He was born on Christmas morning. To the doctors' suprise and mine he had no connection to his lungs. Just an empty pocket some where in his throat. They don't have the technology to operate on a baby that cannot breathe. So the reason his lung study was so low was because he was not swallowing any fluid and they were not able to develop. He was born alive since his heart was beating, but he never took a breath. I never even got to hear him cry. I was told by the neonatologist that this is one of the rarest birth defects. She said that she had only seen 2 like this in her 10 year career. It's funny that it does not feel so rare when it happens to you.

Mommy misses you Logan Thomas. You will always be my Christmas angel. I love you!

Logan Thomas Winton
December 25, 1998
Thank you for listening.

You can write back if you want to talk my email is moonangel@uswest.net