My Rosebud in heaven
by Jaylin Wollan
Date: Sun, 08 Nov 1998
We have been married almost 8 years and had been trying for over a year when I found out I had a high Prolactin level. My doctor put me on some medication to lower it and after 2 months found out we were pregnant. We found out January 4, 1998. I am an ultrasound technologist at a hospital , so I knew exactly how far along I was. I was due September 13, 1998. On February 6, my husband stopped by after work so a friend of mine could look at baby again and see how much it had grown since the previous time we looked at 6 weeks and everything was great, with a good heart beat. I had looked on Feb.6 in the AM because it was a fear of mine to have a friend scan me and find something wrong. SO, in the morning everything was OK. When my husband came at 6 PM and my friend did the transvaginal scan there was no heart beat. Talk about being in shock!!
Well, I talked with my OB/Gyn and she scheduled a D&C for the following Tuesday as this was 6 PM Friday. Needless to say after we grieved and I went back to work, my co-workers kept me from doing pregnant patients for a while, but it was very hard the first time I found a demise, or the first time someone else had a due date close to mine. It has been almost 9 months now and even though we are still trying with no luck, I just wanted you to know I still feel envious of my friends and neighbors who are pregnant. I also didn't think my due date weekend would bother me. I thought I was over it, but I was wrong. My neighbor across the street told us she was 8 weeks pregnant that weekend. It is so hard to be happy for other people. I don't know what it will be like the next time around.
I really want to get pregnant, but now am so scared it will happen again, I just don't know how I'll handle it. A friend of mine gave me this poem that I'd like to share with you because I think it has helped me get through this.
The Tiny Rosebud God Picked To Bloom In Heaven
-Helen Steiner Rice-
The Master Gardener From Heaven Above
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