Zane Andrew Buchanan
March 8, 1995 - April 18, 1995
reprinted with permission
Baby Zane was God's gracious gift to us and though we here on earth were able to hold him for only a few short weeks, we know that he is now in Jesus' arms. We thank the Lord that we were able to have Zane, because I had had three miscarriages before Zane's birth. What follows is a testimony of all we have experienced. We share it with you, and pray that it will encourage and lift your eyes toward Him who is the Lord God Almighty. "But I do not want you to be ignorant brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lets you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus." 1 Thes. 4:13,14.
April 17, about midnight after nursing Zane, I was praying my usual prayer over him; for peace, good night's rest and hedge of protection. Then I felt the Spirit of the Lord rise up within my heart, and saw a vision of God's hand outstretched over Zane as he laid in his cradle, and immediately out of my spirit came the prayer; Yes, Lord he's in your hand's, I place him in your hands, he's in your care." Then I laid him in his cradle for the night.
About 8:30 the next morning, April 18, I woke up panicked, it was past the time when Zane normally awoke. I ran down the hall to his room. He was gone. His body laid there, but there was no life in him. I picked him up screaming, and carried him out to Barry where he was working in the garage. We prayed and called 911, then called the church. Barry tried CPR and mouth to mouth as we both prayed and prayed in the spirit. The ambulance arrived and the paramedics did what they could as I waited in the front seat, we never left our home. Then came that moment of our worst nightmare coming true, when the paramedic opened my door and said, "I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do." I asked if I could see him I just wanted to sit with him. I couldn't hold him, but I laid my hands on him and just prayed and cried. Then Barry came with Weston and Lorraine. We all sat there for a while with Zane just weeping. We explained to the children that Zane is gone, his body lay there, but he is with Jesus. Lorraine sitting next to me there in the ambulance said "Mommy, Jesus will get you a new baby." We all went back in the house we had to wait for the medical examiner, police detectives and police photographers, they came to do their job. Those next two hours were filled with terror and grief, the worst ever. Hours similar to that moment when I woke up on the side of the highway screaming, "my babies!, my babies!" in fear of what had happened to them after our truck flipped and slid down the highway on it's top, yet God's hand shielded us from any serious injury.
During the next few hours some of our friends from church came to be with us. They just started washing dishes, doing laundry, vacuuming, folding clothes and just were there for us. Then in a moment I looked at Barry and said; "you know what while I was praying last night I saw a vision...", and I proceeded to tell him about seeing God's hand over Zane. As I did the peace of God rained down on us until it soaked our hearts and minds. His presence was with us in that peace that surpasses all our own understanding. The Word of God really came alive to us, and we knew what was meant by the verse, Phil. 4:7; "and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." We all gathered for a time of prayer, it was wonderful, God's presence was so vivid, so real, He just held us. Then as Pastor Barnard and Barry sat talking, I saw a vision of Jesus standing there. He wanted to hold Zane, so I took him and placed him in His arms. Jesus took him and cuddled him up on His shoulder just like how I had been used to holding him. It brought joy to Jesus' face to hold Zane, and standing there in His presence I too was filled with joy. I shared the vision with Barry and the peace again rained down on us until it saturated our hearts.
That afternoon the medical examiner released Zane's body to the funeral home. They could find nothing obviously wrong with him, they said he looked to be very well taken care of and in good health, no reason for him to have died. We were told it is most likely SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), the outcome of further test have since verified that. Then a friend of ours got on the phone and made that difficult call to our friends and neighbors. Others came; our pastors, friends, neighbors and church family. They came to be with us, pray with us, and hold us up. They were and truly are that "FAMILY" as our church bumper sticker says.
Wednesday morning I woke up crying, I hadn't slept well all night, I knew Barry hadn't either, I'd heard him cry in his sleep. I sat up in bed and prayed. "Lord I know you've given me so much and done so much for me already, but I'd like a verse, something in your Word to stand on." Immediately I heard John 16:33. I got my bible and sat in the living room. I cried for awhile then thought, I guess I should try to find that verse. I wasn't sure if there was such a verse. Opening my bible I found John 16:29,30,31,32, I thought that was it, then I looked again there it was the last verse John 16:33. It said "These things I have spoken unto you that in Me you might have peace, in the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world." The peace of God again flooded over me.
The next two days just flew by. They were spent making arrangements and getting ready for the funeral. We were just awed and so full of thankfulness to each and everyone who gave out of their hearts to help us. God blessed us so very much by showing us the reality of His love, peace and joy. A taste of the kingdom of heaven.
Then Friday came, we just felt like we were being carried through everything. There is a poem about footprints in the sand, and it talks about God carrying us through those hard times, that is exactly how we felt. God's presence was with us in such an awesome way. The memorial service was beautiful, beyond what we could have imagined. Pastor Hankins brought a message about hope, that we do have hope, if we have Christ in us, He is our hope of glory as Col. 1:27 states. Read Romans 5:1-11 for more about hope. God really showed us that Zane went from death unto life, not life unto death. It is just incredible how real that other realm has become to us. It is no longer way up in the sky, but is right here with us. There is a door right in front of us and Zane stepped through that door to be with Jesus. It is times like these that we can't lean to our own understanding, but in all our ways we must acknowledge Him, as Prov. 3:5,6 states. Read Isaiah 46, it talks about how He is God, and His purpose will come to pass. It has really helped me to trust Him. There are those who can't understand this peace but it doesn't matter it is so real to us, and we will never be the same. We pray for those that they too can know Him, know the One who sent His Son Jesus to die for us that we might someday live with Him in glory forever! Our first prayer over Zane after he was born was that he would reconcile men to God. Even though he only lived forty days on this earth with us, we know that that purpose will not go unfulfilled. That it is happening now through us, and the testimony we can now share about how God's hand has and is moving in our lives.
One last thing we want to share with you is how we have handled grief. There are two ways we have experienced grief these first few weeks without Zane. One is a sadness where we cry, we miss him, we love him, he was God's gracious gift to us as his name means, and my arms literally ache to hold him again. However if we dwell on this grief too long it comes in like a flood of fear and anguish. It becomes unbearable, but as soon as we fix our focus on God and His plan for us, He comes again and expresses His mighty love for us, with His peace that passes all understanding. We are so thankful for the time we did have with Zane, and the memory of that precious dimpled face will never leave us. We know that Zane is with our Lord, and we will see him again. We also know we can take comfort in Him. "For He comforts all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning!", Is 61:2,3. "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Rom. 15:13
Thanks be to God for His mercy endures for ever and He truly is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear. Ps. 46:1
Though we can't hold you now, the memory of those few short weeks is always
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