89 Days of Sunshine

by Jonathon Andell

in loving memory of
Rachel Lorraine Andell
Born July 13, 1994
Died October 10, 1994

Wed, 9 Oct. 1996

Once again, we are closing in on the anniversary of that horrible day. Tomorrow will be two years since we lost our precious Rachel Lorraine, at the age of 89 days. I hope you will indulge me as I once again send out my tribute to her life. Thanks to everyone who has sent kind wishes - you give this massive cloud its silver lining.

89 Days of Sunshine

You were mine eighty-nine fleeting days.
        Your mother had you eleven months.
        She wept with joy the day she knew you were coming.
                I missed my chance to share that extra time.

When you were in the womb I didn't think I was up to the job.

        When you left me -

        I can't even begin to describe the loss,
                the hole in my heart,
                        the shattered hopes and dreams.

I've lost jobs before.
        Add up all those hurts and multiply them by a thousand.
        It doesn't come close to how it hurts not to have you.

I was good at my job of loving you and caring for you.
        It came to me naturally -
                to my surprise and delight.

How I loved that job.
        How I want it back.

For eighty-nine precious days, I had the best job in the world.
        Because, anxieties and troubles and all,
        You were pure sunshine, beaming right on my heart.

Never in this world will I know why you had to leave you behind.
        And never will I leave behind the pain and sorrow of losing you.

But I hope and pray that somehow you know this, too:

Never will I forget the
        bright,
                beautiful,
                        joyous
                                SUNSHINE that you were.

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