Don't ask if you really don't want to know

by Debbie Sanchez
for baby Cole Joseph Sanchez
October 2, 1995-January 31, 1996

reprinted with permission

Today it is two months since we lost our sweet baby Cole Joseph Sanchez, and I made it through today without much incident. I guess since I've had so many other bad days, today was just another day not as bad as some. As I went about my daily chores and routines, it became very clear how much better I communicate since this whole tragedy touched our lives. I used to wonder what people will think and how should I act around them. Not so anymore~everything is so trivial!! Taxes due in two weeks??? So hurt me some more--can't hurt me any more than I've already been hurt. Now when people ask how I am I tell them. Today at the gas station the guy ringing me up asked how I was doing to which I replied, "So-so." He seemed surprised and said, "Well, things could be worse, "my reply......."No they can't." Probably not the exchange he had hoped for, but I walked away not feeling like I had faked another conversation.

To answer the question about how many children do you have? I have only been in that situation a couple times since my loss, but I always answer two. Last night I went shopping with my sisters. As I was paying for some clothes that I had picked out for my four year old, Casey, the two girls behind me started talking about little boy clothes and the one was talking about a baby shower a few months back. I made very little eye contact and didn't much feel like talking~especially about baby showers. The girl checking me out kept making reference to Casey and finally asked the question, "Is he your only one?" I told them that two months ago I had lost a baby to SIDS. The girl ringing up my things fell silent and the girl behind me started crying. You never know what kind of a reaction you'll get, but I carry on the memory of my sweet baby Cole. He is in my every thought, and action and I feel like everyone I talk to should know what I've been through. Its a sad fact and hard for people to talk about, but as we well know not all babies live.

Thinking and praying for all my dear friends on the network who I wouldn't know on the street, but with whom I share a special bond. May you all have a good week.

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