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The Children Do Remember

This post deals with children remembering their sibling.

by Joanne Riven
mother of
Alex Samuel [1/24/91]
Sarah Nicole [2/20/96-3/2/96]

reprinted with permission

For sure children remember, and more importantly, should always be
able to express themselves about their siblings death. I remember
shortly after Sarah died my son said out loud in front of a roomful of
people at my house "I'm not sad about Sarah" and one of my friends
gave him a stern look and said "you shouldn't say that Alex, that's
not true". I quickly shut her up with a swift look and told my son
that ANYTHING that he felt or said was o.k. and that I always love
him. Kids grieve and show their emotions differently than adults [just
as we as adults grieve differently from each other], and I never
wanted him to feel unable to express ANYTHING that he was feeling. I
have and always will show my children unconditional love.Later that
night, when I was tucking him into bed, he gave me a sweet little
smile and told me that he wished I was happy. I told him that I loved
baby Sarah, and missed her so much and was going to feel sad about her
dying for a long time, but that I loved him too and he made my heart
happy always. He looked at me and said that I was the 'bestest mommy'
and to Sarah too and that I didn't do anything wrong to make her
die[something that I was telling him over and over, that he didn't do
or think or say anything that made Sarah die]. Children are the best -
I'm so sad that any of ours had to die.

3/12/97

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